Remember, start with your feelings, show understanding and love, and be clear about the circumstances under which you would be open to being together or discussing the problem. ~ Robert J. Meyers, Ph.D.
Robert Meyers, Ph.D. is the author of Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening.
He developed the Community Reinforcement and Family Training or CRAFT approach. He continues to do workshops sharing his evidence-based approach that helps families get their loved one into treatment.
I had the honor of attending one of his trainings in Boise a few years back.
It is clear there are powerful reasons for families to get help for themselves.
Often substance users report that the family influenced their decision to enter treatment. You can, as a parent, influence your child to live a healthier lifestyle. You can motivate your child to let go of or lessen their use of drugs or alcohol.
CRAFT views families as a crucial piece of the puzzle when it comes to treatment and recovery.
Those of us who have experienced substance use with our kids know that families need help.
Parents are stressed, anxious, and filled with fear.
CRAFT can help families communicate better, learn new ways to behave and solve problems. One of the key factors is that timing is crucial when approaching your child to discuss their substance use issues.
Here are ten basic messages for families:
- Family members can help their children or loved one. Research has shown that family members can learn techniques to engage their substance-abusing loved one into treatment or to living a healthier life.
- You are not alone. You may feel isolated at the moment with this often overwhelming problem. Unfortunately, many other families also suffer from substance use. The success of these families solving their substance use issues can give you hope for your child.
- You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. It is understandable that you feel negative emotions because of your child drug/alcohol use. Yet, it is easier to get your child to listen to you when you talk in a positive manner. Remember what you do love about them. Focus on the positive changes you are interested in seeing.
- You can take as many tries as you need to work with your child to help them make better choices. Positive communication improves your relationship and thus helps your child. People can be helped at any time.
- Take care of yourself. You can live a happier life when you engage in self-care. It is important whether your child engages in more positive behavior or not.
- When you help yourself, you help your family. You become a positive role model for the rest of your family. Develop your resilience and work on having an upbeat healthy attitude towards life.
- Problems have solutions. As a parent or family member, you can be strong and courageous through this process. You did not cause your child’s substance use. Your child did not intend to become a continual abuser of drugs or alcohol.
- Every situation is different. Your child may be more interested in changing their behavior if they are presented with more than one option.
- Let go of labels. They are not helpful. Using the words addict and/or alcoholic can prevent your child from being willing to seek help.
- You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain from getting involved. In fact, you may find that by your conscience involvement and by using the CRAFT approach, you can help your child before they hit rock bottom.
According to Bob Meyers, every person has a choice. It starts with The Three Thing Rule:
Parents so often want to know those words or actions that they can do that will fix the problem. It is important to remember that getting help for your child is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Every small step in a positive direction makes a difference.
When our kids act out because of their use we often respond with hurt, anger, and frustration. It can be exhausting as time goes on.
When you communicate in a more positive way, the conversations can change. They become less exhausting and more fruitful.
It is so important to ask for help when you are struggling with your child’s substance use. When you work together, you feel less alone and you have more options for solutions.
Have patience. Every small step makes a difference. Your child will not change overnight. Remind yourself that change takes time. Keep trying and you will begin to see changes in a positive direction.
The three major goals of CRAFT are to:
- reduces a person’s harmful substance use.
- engage the user to be interested in treatment.
- improve the family emotional and physical health as well as improve their relationships.
There are a number of studies that demonstrated the value of CRAFT. One example is the CRAFT Randomize Drug Study, Meyers, Miller, Smith & Tonigan (2002). This study showed that after only six sessions, the treatment engagement was 59% for those in a CRAFT approach, 77% for those with a CRAFT approach + aftercare [combined 67%] and Al-Nar/FT was a 29%.
53% of the concerned significant others were parents. CRAFT by far was the leader in getting a person into treatment.
On a side note, Al-Anon’s goal is not to get a loved one into treatment. It can be a helpful program for family members who want support.
An unmotivated, resistant problem drinker or drug user can become engaged in treatment with the help of a CRAFT trained parent.
One example is a mom, Debbie, who was very concerned about her child’s marijuana use. Her feelings were very negative to the point of her wanting to kick her son out of the house. After learning more about CRAFT, Debbie remembered some of her son’s positive qualities. He was willing to do chores, help around the house and was kind to his little brother or sister.
Debbie built on her son’s positive qualities using reinforcement. She also used some of the other CRAFT communication skills. She became much more supportive in her approach to her son. Debbie started to see encouraging changes. She had better conversations with her son, spending time listening, as well as giving information.
There is no quick fix when it comes to substance use. You do need to be willing to work with the CRAFT techniques. You may not get it right the first time. Yet, it is worth it to keep trying.
Look for those windows of opportunity. You will feel better and see a positive difference in your loved one.
CRAFT gives parents and families tools that they can use themselves. It helps communication within the family and makes for a better future for all involved.
It will help you as a parent feel more calm and happier because now you have tools that you can use.
If you are interested in learning more about CRAFT check out:
- The CRAFT Approach
- How CRAFT Can Help Your Family Change: Meet Dr. Jeff Foote
- How CRAFT Can Make a Difference
- The Parents 20-Minute Guide
Over to you. Do you think CRAFT would be an approach that would help your family? What support do you need as a parent? Let us know in comments.
source https://cathytaughinbaugh.com/the-power-of-craft/
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